C-PTSD & Relational Trauma
Relational Trauma - Can you relate?
Childhood sexual/physical/emotional abuse, emotional neglect, intimate partner violence, Complex - PTSD, adult children of emotionally immature parents, family scapegoating abuse, narcissistic relational stress.
Relational trauma or interpersonal trauma, is defined by Out of the Fog as: a type of complex trauma in which an individual is trapped for an extended period of time in an abusive/neglectful relationship with someone in a position of authority/power over them (e.g., parent, partner, coach, teacher, employer, religious leader). This can also happen in the context of adult romantic relationships, friendships, and amongst colleagues when antagonistic patterns are present.
Relational trauma is not a one time traumatic event. It’s a harmful pattern that can be tracked, sometimes with fairly predictable consistency, and sometimes with erratic, chaotic unpredictability. The impact of these harmful patterns over time, particularly when they play out in our most important relationships, means that our nervous systems adapt by developing nuanced and adaptive survival responses to help protect us in the midst of a threatening relational environment.
These survival responses, which are incredibly resourceful and adaptive at the time, become a way of life and can linger as trauma responses even after breaking away from the context of the harmful relationship. Post relationship, these responses can look like:
heightened anxiety and hyper vigilance
lingering self doubt, self criticism, shame, and struggles with self love -skepticism about building trust and letting people close
a preference for keeping a safe distance from others that may lead to isolation and loneliness
dissociation and other forms of escape; feeling disconnected from self, or parts of self, others, and the world
intense and painful emotions like fear, anger, and shame that may be triggered by any cue that feels familiar or similar to the harmful relational context
“Recovery can take place only within the context of relationships; it cannot occur in isolation. In her renewed connection with other people, the survivor re-creates the psychological facilities that were damaged or deformed by the traumatic experience. These faculties include the basic operations of trust, autonomy, initiative, competence, identity, and intimacy.”
As Dr. Herman articulates so beautifully, the invitation to heal happens in the context of relationship. That is why the therapeutic relationship is so central to my approach. In our time together, we will start with establishing a felt sense of safety and collaboration.
From there, I will follow your lead on you readiness to process and grieve the harmful relational context(s) you’ve experienced. Sometimes EMDR can be a helpful form of reprocessing, as well as narrating your experiences while noticing the sensations in your body in the moment, journaling, and reparenting wounded parts. Safety and grief work pave the way for you to reconnect with all the wonderful parts of you that had to go into hibernation to survive.
I will be a compassionate witness each step of the way.
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